As we were driving away from baseball practice the other night my 14-year-old was telling me about two of his teammates who don’t get along. He was afraid they were going to get into a fistfight and that bothered him.
“I don’t know why anyone would want to fight,” Danny said. “I hope I never get into a fight.”
My sons are 16 and 14 and as far as I know they have never had a real fistfight with each other or anyone else. I’ve noticed this lack of fighting before and it reminds me of how much things have changed since I was a kid. My brother and I (just 13 months apart) fought often until we were about 14 and 15. He threw punch at me and hit the wall, breaking his hand and forcing him to miss most of the basketball season. He was an excellent player and loved the game and for the first time I felt really bad about one of our fights. After that, we never fought again. In fact, I don’t think we’ve even had a cross word.
We both fought frequently with other kids in the neighborhood. Our father supported us in most of these bat-tles, teaching us to never back down from a bully or we would be constantly bullied in life. He also made it clear we were not allowed to fight with smaller and younger children unless we were relentlessly provoked. He warned us that the only good fighters were people who fought a lot and that meant sustaining a lot of bloody noses.
We had punching and speed bag in our basement. My brother would pound them both regularly. He was a year younger than me, but could beat up most of my friends and even some kids older than me. I couldn’t beat up a lot of older kids, but had a reputation for not backing down even if it meant getting my nose bloodied.
My brother and I were pretty typical for our neighborhood. A kid got into a fight almost every week it seemed.
I don’t think all our fighting hurt us or accomplished much. Although Dad was right about the importance of standing up to bullies.
It just seems funny that my son can’t imagine himself getting into a fight and by his age I must have been in-volved in dozens.
Let me know what you think?
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3 comments:
When you're young you're forced to be around a lot of people you might not normally associate yourself with once you get old enough to create your own habitat.
Definitely tell your kid never to back down, teach him the basics on how to defend himself, but also teach him how to not aggrevate people with unecessary words that can escalate to fighting.
Ralph, knowing you now, I cannot imagine you ever in a fist fight. I don't mean this as an insult, it's just that I would never have guessed you were in so many fights when you were younger because your current demeanor doesn't reflect that type of aggressiveness.
Anonymous
I will follow up on the importance of not backing down.
Elizabeth
My fighting days ended a long time ago. I can proudly say I haven't been in a fight for at least 25 years. I don't miss it.
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