You have to read this one

My family complains I am making myself sound too good in this blog. I find that hard to believe. If you read it regularly my faults are obvious. I’ve explained to them that the best way for them to set the record straight would be to respond to my blog or better yet start their own. I think the public, especially those we cover regularly, would enjoy reading about the dark side of the Record-Journal’s executive editor. They have not responded because they feel any attacks will only make readers feel sorry for me, enhancing my image even more.

Since they won’t set the record straight, I will. If you read the blog regularly you already know:
I’m not very good at household chores.
I’ve been accused of throwing away forks and spoons.
I lecture my teen-agers too much and don’t consider their point of view.
When there is family discord, I am the first to try to fix things and in the process only make things worse.
I am more prone to help a woman in distress than a man in a similar situation. This may sound noble, but it is a form of stereotyping.
I don’t know how to make a sandwich.
I exercise regularly and then eat too much. In the end, I never lose weight.
I find it difficult to admit to my teens that I was once a teen-ager and did things that I shouldn’t have done.

I think it is a good solid list of some pretty serious shortcomings. But since my family thinks I sound too good, let me add a few:

My wife’s main complaint about this blog is that I come off sounding sensitive and caring. I never intended to portray myself as sensitive and caring. Among other things, when my wife tells me something I don’t listen. And then two minutes later I ask her about what she just told me that I didn’t hear, making it obvious that I don’t listen. Also, when she ties to tell me about her problems, I offer solutions when all she wants is for me to listen and shut up.
I am not good at fixing things around the house.
I think I am good at hiring people to fix things. My wife thinks I always overpay and am too lenient with the workers.
I don’t like watching the same movies as my family. I prefer movies about history or conspiracies or both. I also like reading non-fiction, listening to WFAN, watching a ball game or C-Span. The key word here is “I.”
I frequently talk about my son Danny as though he is not in the room.
I sleep late when I can. My sons also sleep late when they can. My wife gets up early.
When talking to my 16-year-old son Michael, I frequently turn almost anything he mentions into a lesson about the evils of drinking, sex, smoking pot, speeding or something else he shouldn’t be doing.
Speaking of Michael. When he drives I sit in the front seat and dispense too much advice.
When my wife or sons raise their voice at me, I get quieter. That drives Mary and Michael nuts. Danny deals with it better.
I don’t socialize much. When I do, I don’t drink alcohol. The overwhelming opinion is that if I drank I would be a lot more fun when socializing.
My idea of socializing is watching my sons play a double header and talking to the other parents about baseball.
I tell people that I am younger than my wife. This is an outrageous lie. No one believes me.
I make women in their 20s laugh a lot and convince myself that they think I am funny and young. They are really laughing at me, not with me. When my wife points this out, she laughs harder than the women in their 20s.
Although I am breaking down physically and mentally in many ways, I am way too proud about the fact that I still have lots of hair and very little gray. I intentionally mention that I don’t dye my hair around women who dye their hair regularly.

I could go on forever, but I have other things to do around here. I think this list should quiet the notion that I am making myself sound too good in this blog.

Those who know me, feel free to post any other faults that I left out. If you feel I have positive qualities, this would be a good time to chime in.